is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
