marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
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