is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
