so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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