I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
either way he was missing a nipple.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Randomize
