If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
