let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Randomize
