They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Randomize
