look no pants
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Are we still banned from the library?
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Randomize
