sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
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