I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
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