In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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