Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
