I am puke
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Randomize
