He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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