she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
So. Much. Porn.
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