Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
