apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Randomize
