What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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