Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Randomize
