Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
