this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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