Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
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