normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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