still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
