so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
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