I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
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