oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
