Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Randomize
