So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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