I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
