GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Randomize
