people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I still have a little drunk in my system
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
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