so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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