jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
