I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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