When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
