Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
