If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
