pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
