I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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