Swine flu. Run for my life!
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
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