We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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