sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
im holly from the hills drunk
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
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