i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
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