Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
