Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
