sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
