How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
