69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize
