Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
