ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
