Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
